Get a mentor

Having someone you trust and you can rely on for advice and direction is important for your mental health and professional growth. Of course your direct manager plays an important role, they should be a point of reference and someone you can look up to. But even when you really like and trust your manager, you may find yourself wishing you had someone else to talk to. The nature of the relationship between you and your manager is, by definition, a professional one. When you talk to them about work, it's a professional conversation. Sometimes, though, you may not be ready to share some information with them. The thoughts feel unfinished and talking to someone else could help.

If you don't have a mentor, you increase the chances of keeping too many things to yourself. These unfinished thoughts grow on each other. You're working on them. You aren't emptying your mental backlog of thoughts.

This work in progress of unfinished ideas has a direct impact on your professional and personal life: the weight overwhelms you at some point because there are literally too many thoughts in your head. I strongly recommend you to get a mentor to overcome these problems. A mentor can help you work your way through this backlog of thoughts. Here are a few tips to help you find such a person:

• Your mentor doesn't work in your company

  The less they know about the company, the more fruitful your conversations can be. It forces you to explain in the clearest way possible what troubles you. You also feel as free as possible to talk about your work.

• You meet with them regularly

  The frequency works a bit like one-on-ones. It depends on how much you need. Choose a mentor that knows how much time they can invest into mentoring upfront.

• Your mentor knows the job

  I wouldn't consider this a strict requirement, what matters is that they have leadership experience. But it helps if they have experience leading developers. Contextual understanding makes discussions about organisational structure, project and product management much more productive. The faster you can process your thoughts about those, the more you can focus on people.

You know that your relationship with your mentor works when their questions challenge you. You keep thinking about past conversations and look forward to the next one. If you only take one thing with you from this chapter, let it be this: find yourself a mentor.